Afraid of boredom?

Happy Saturday Boos!

I'm sad to say that summer camp has come to an end. As tiring and stressful as it was to supervise four consolers and ensure forty campers were having fun ten hours a day, five days a week, I'm going to miss camp dearly. It's hard to believe how close you get with your coworkers and campers in eight short weeks.

I'm looking forward to sleeping in, but to be honest, I'm a little bit apprehensive about having so much free time. I love to be busy and crave structure. I've been waiting to have a week off for such a long time. I know I should enjoy a little bit of r&r every once in a while, but for me relaxing means worrying. When I'm not busy at work, busy with school, or busy with friends, I feel like I am doing something wrong. I know this thinking is cray-cray because everyone deserves a bit of downtime! This week I'm going to work to enjoy myself when I'm not doing anything.

I'm going to miss my campers : ( They're so dang cute!

I think one reason I struggle with not being busy and relaxing is because I'm a creature of habit. For the past two months, I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I've gotten used to being super busy. So...going from working fifty hours a week (and being active and social on the weekends on top of that) to having a whole week off is like going from earth to mars. I think I'm also a bit afraid that I'll get used to "doing nothing" and then have a hard time going back to be busy.

Make any sense? I know my thoughts are a little bit all over the place today. Sorry about that. I guess I just hate change. Change is healthy, so I need to embrace it. After all, I really only do have a week off.

The week after next, I am working at an art camp.

Then I'm planning on going to the big apple with one of my best friends to visit another one of my best friend! I'm so excited about this : )

Once I get back, I start staff training for the after school program I work at.

Then school starts. Between classes, my sorority, my job, and my internship, I'll be super busy and hopefully, loving every minute of it!

I think a week off is just what I need. I also have some exciting plans for this week, so I should be somewhat busy and more importantly, having fun!

I'm going to get lunch with an old friend one day this week.

I'm going to six flags this week with my mom.

I may go to Canada with a bunch of good friends for the night. (This one is a bit out of my comfort zone, so I'm not sure about it yet).

I've been talking to one of my best friends about going hiking next weekend. I really love hiking : )

I do love to hike! Especially with friends. 

Okay, now that I've bored you all with my chaotic thoughts about this week, I want to backtrack and fill you in about the past two nights. Both nights I pushed myself to break out of my routine and have fun. And you know what? Everything was fine and I did have fun!

Even though I had to wake up early Friday morning, I went to the staff dinner and then went out with some friends from work after and had a few of these....

Although I was tired on Friday, I had so much fun! I pushed through the day and even managed to fit in a killer workout! 20 minutes of running stairs and a NROLFW workout. I do have to say I love weight lifting. I used to hate it and think that cardio was the only way to go, but I've learned to love the feeling of my muscles shaking after a hard set.

Last night, I wasn't going to go out because I was tired from the night before. I got in a little bit of a fight with my dad though and decided it would be good to get out of the house for a while. I got ahold of a few friends and decided to meet up with them. Before I left I made up with my dad, but I still went out anyways. So...I met up with my friends, had some good laughs along with a couple drinks. They then went to the bars and I went home because I was so tired. I had a good time, though.

I also proved to myself that it's okay to go out two nights in a row. The world will not end. I will not gain ten pounds. Life will move on and I'll have some fun!

This morning I went for a fifteen mile bike ride with my dad and then went out to lunch.

Whole wheat toast with jam, egg whites with hot sauce and 

ketchup, and fresh fruit...yum

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with my mom.

Just like I can go out two nights in a row, I can also eat out twice in a day. I can make healthy choices and spend some quality time with the family.

If you stuck with me through this whole post, thanks! I know it was kind of random and long. I hope you all enjoy your weekends?

Do you struggle with change? 
Do you like being busy or do you enjoy a little r&r? 
What are you up to this weekend? 

WIAW-FAIL

Hello ladies (and gentleman)!

I was planning on doing a WIAW post today, but I didn't snap any food photos today. Sorry about that...my bad. Epic fail.

Next week, I promise will try my darndest (yep, that's a word in my vocabulary) to do a WIAW wednesday post. I think it is an awesome party and I definitely want to jump on the ol' band wagon more regularly. I've just been so busy with work the past two weeks. I have a lot of exciting plans in the work for the end of this week and next week, though, so I think I want to do an "out of the norm" WIAW post of sorts.

Speaking of work, this is my last week. Wahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Although I'm definitely looking forward to some free time and sleeping past the wonderful hour of 5AM, I love my kiddos and I also love my routine. I have most of next week off (not Monday) and have some plans with the family and friends. Then I actually am working at another camp for a week. So...technically it's not my last week of work. It is however my last week working as an assistant director working at the camp I've been working out all summer. I don't want it to end, but change is a good thing. I just keep having to tell myself that. 


Anyways, my posting will probably be pretty sporadic over the next few days (and actually into next week).

I'll be pretty busy because I have some fun plans in the making....

Staff dinner tomorrow night...

Possible staff party on friday night....(Have to push myself to go to this--if it actually happens that is)....


Trip to Six Flags with the momma.....

Lunch and dinner dates with friends.....

A possible trip to Canada to see Brittany Spears and go out after....(Unlikely because I'm trying to save money, don't have a ticket and would have to buy one separately from my friends who already have theirs, am not a huge fan of Brittany, and to tell the truth, it's a big push out of my comfort zone.) We shall see...


And two weekends from now, a trip to NYC with one of my best friends to see another bestie!

Lots of fun plans as you can see. I'm trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and stay busy now that my main summer job is coming to an end. Often, when I have a lot of time to myself I tend to have a lot of Ed thoughts. I don't want to let Ed consume my vacation time. I want to enjoy it because it's VACATION! Duh!
Sorry for the half ass bum post. I'm just super tired and failed on the picture front.

Happy Hump Day!

Any fun plans in the making for the end of the summer? 
Is anyone else dreading the end of summer like I am? 

Intuitive Eating

Before my eating disorder, I rarely thought about food. I ate when I was hungry, sat down for meals like it was a chore, and rarely planned out what I was going to eat until literally about 5 minutes before I ate it. Of course, I enjoyed eating cake at a birthday party and ice cream on a hot day, but when I wasn't actually eating it, I didn't think about it.

A few years ago, things changed. When I first developed my eating disorder and started restricting both my food intake and the variety of foods I ate,  I began thinking of food all the time. I constantly thought about my next meal, foods I was allowed to eat, and forbidden foods that I would love to eat but never allow myself to. Not only that but eating became a very scheduled, non-intuivite thing. Although I wasn't eating a lot, lunch, dinner, and my nightly snack were all planned out ahead of time and eaten at the time I chose to be the proper time to eat them. I wasn't listening to my body at all.

Over a year ago, when I made a decision to fix my very unhealthy relationship with food and put some meat on my bones, I worked with a nutritionist to put together a meal plan that would give my body all the nutrients it desperately needed. Although my eating was still extremely regimented and scheduled, at least I was giving my body the nutrients it needed. I still thought about food a lot but not to the extent I did when I was essentially starving myself.

There was a period last fall and last winter where I was almost eating intuitively. Although I definitely would overeat some weekend nights, I think it was just my body's reaction to being underfed for such a long period of time. When someone offered me a cookie at a gathering, I didn't say no just because it wasn't planned into my day. If I wanted the cookie, I would eat it. I still thought about food more than a should, but during this time period, I definitely had the healthiest relationship with food I've had in a while.

Last spring, I became very health conscious. While I definitely did not and still do not restrict, I think I started to and still do focus too much on the nutritional content of food. Also, I've started following a stricter food schedule. While I'm sure I eat plenty of food throughout the day, I don't feel like I am listening to my hunger cues.

 Often, at camp I am hungry between breakfast and lunch. Sometimes I'll have a piece of fruit to hold me over, but if I'm still hungry, I'll just tell myself, lunch is only an hour/hour and a half away, I can wait!

On the other end of the spectrum, I often will eat even if I am not hungry if I am scheduled to eat. For example, I usually eat a night time snack if I am home. Sometimes I have a late dinner and an early bedtime (yes I set a bedtime for myself on work nights) yet still force myself to eat my nighttime snack because well, I'm supposed to. According to who, though?

In attempt to make peace with food, my body, and my hunger cues, I'm reading this book:

I've seen it floating around the blog world for a while and decided to buy it.

I'm only like 20 pages into the book, but I definitely think it has some useful information. I am a little worried it focuses on losing weight too much. Losing weight is not something I need to do. I need to maintain my weight...maybe gain a couple pounds....and listen to my hunger.

I still have this notion in my head that food holds some type of magical power to...................well, I don't really know, but I need to accept that food is just food. it's meant to nourish my body and give me energy. Not fix my problems, entertain me, replace relationships, etc. I think I've come a long way in accepting this, but I definitely have farther to go.

Hopefully this book will help me on my journey to make peace with food. I'll definitely write up a review when I finish reading it.

On a completely random note, here's some food I've been enjoying lately:

One way I've been honoring my hunger....popping dates filled with

peanut butter into mi boca!

Dinner from last night: Store bought Caribbean tofu (cooked on the barbie,

tossed salad, and honey oat bread (lightly toasted) w/ Brown & Brummel

Questions:
1) Do you struggle with intuitive eating? Not eat when you are hungry or eat when you aren't hungry because of the schedule you create for yourself?
2) Have any of you read this book? Thoughts?

Routines...

Every night when I go to bed, I map out the next day in my head. Whether I'm working, going to school, or have the whole day to myself, I feel like I have to create a schedule to stick to for the following day.

Take today for example:

Wake up between 7:30 and 8:00

Eat a delicious breakfast!

Go for a bike ride with the padre around 9:30

Get back around 11:00

Do an ab workout

Shower

Grab a quick bite to eat with the momma and see Winnie The Pooh


Grocery Shop

Pack lunch and do some planning for work tomorrow

Eat dinner

Read or watch a movie

Be in bed before 9

While it's great to be scheduled and have routines, I also find them very limiting. Schedules definitely allow me to be productive, busy, and keep me from worrying too much. However, I also think that scheduling every little detail of my day takes a lot of the fun and spontaneity out every day life.

In the depths of my eating disorder, I'm not really sure if I scheduled my day like I do now. I know I was very obsessed with routines, but to be honest, I didn't do much with my day besides obsess about food I was allowed to eat, food I wasn't allowed to eat, calories, body weight, etc. While yes, I had friends...yes, I went to school, yes, I spent time with family.....my mind was always on food.

There was a time last year, when I felt totally free from my eating disorder. I really didn't care about schedules and routines at all. I always wanted to be busy, but last minute plans didn't bother me one bit.

I could be dressed in my pjs, getting ready for be, when a friend would call and ask me if I wanted to go to a party....SURE! Why not? 

I could get a text on Saturday morning asking me if I wanted to go camping for the night! Of course, see you in a few hours!


During this time, I was all for having fun while experiencing and taking in as much as possible. I would often schedule my day, but I didn't care if I stuck to the schedule I created or not. While I think I took this a bit too far last year and got to the point where I was saying yes to everything and felt like there was something wrong with me if I didn't have plans, I miss the carefree attitude I had.

While I definitely am still very productive, don't think about food 24/7, and for the most part, live a very balanced lifestyle, I think I am clinging to my routines too much. I do this partly to combat my irrational eating disordered brain.

If I schedule time with friends, I will never isolate myself.


If I schedule exercise, I won't overdo it or under do it. 


If I schedule time to myself, I won't burn out.

While all of these things are true, the truth is sometimes....

I don't feel like exercising when I am scheduled to...


I'd rather go for a bike ride than a run...


Friends ask me to do things last minute...


Plans fall through...


I can't predict what I am going to want to eat tomorrow....


The list goes on and on.

I think I am going to try to be more spontaneous this week. While I'll probably still create schedules for myself, I'm not going to act like it's the end of the world, if something doesn't go according to plan.

When plans with friends fall through, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. It just means our plans didn't work out. Why can't I simply exist and enjoy time with myself?

When we are out of grape jelly, I don't need to throw a hissy fit because I can't make a pb&j for lunch. I can improvise and make pb&honey. Variety is the spice of life. 


When I plan to stay home, and I get a last minute text asking if I want to go to a bbq, I don't have to stay home because I planned to. I can go out and have fun with some friends. 


Breaking routines is a lot easier said than done, but I'm vowing to work on it.

Today for example, I followed my schedule for most of the morning.

I woke up at 7:30

Ate breakfast

Went for a lovely 15 mile bike ride with my dad

Taking a picture of yourself while biking is not 

an easy task. 

Covered bridge

Beautiful lake views

and some mountains!

and then did an ab workout blogged instead because that is what I felt like doing.

Now, I may do an ab workout before I shower and head out with my mom, but if I don't, life will go on, and everything will be okay better than okay because I'm listening to my body and myself!

Questions:
1) Do you create routines and schedules for yourself?
2) How do you handle not being able to follow your schedule? I often turn into a two year old and throw a temper tantrum about the most trivial things. I need to work on this.
3) Are you relaxing and enjoying your Sunday?

 

Lobster

I'm a vegetarian and never was a seafood fan anyways, so no I did not eat lobster.

However, I sure do look like one....meeehhhh. I'll explain in a little bit. First, I want to recap my weekend for you all.

So far, I've had a pretty eventful and fun weekend. One of my best friends from school came back for the weekend. Last night, I hung out with her after work. We ended up getting dinner at Boloco. It's a really fun, wrap/burrito place. They have tons of healthy options and you can make a custom wrap or burritio. I had a brown rice bowl with tofu, fajita veggies, romaine lettuce, carrots, broccoli, and teriyaki sauce. I was too busy enjoying my food and the conversation to snap a picture. Sorry about that guys. After dinner, we just talked and caught up for a couple hours. It was a relaxed, but fun Friday night.

Two peas in a pod...or in a South Carolinian Aquarium in this 

case : )

This morning, I woke up around 7:30am, which is early for a Saturday, but much later than my usual 5am wakeup. I ate breakfast which I also forgot to snap a picture of. Sorry, I have been really bad at taking pictures this weekend. Digested and completed a 4 mile run. While the run wasn't too long, it was certainly hilly and got my heart pumpin' hard and my quads screamin'!

Okay, so maybe the hills didn't look like this, but they were tough

nonetheless! 

Post run, I showered, packed a lunch, picked up my friend, and headed to the beach. It was a perfect day to visit the beach. Warm and sunny!

Sunny and sandy...just the way I like it!

Unfortunately, I didn't pack sunscreen, so I got a little burnt to say the least. Since, I am outside at camp all the time, I have developed a pretty good tan, so at work, I never burn despite being outside in the heat all day. Well, at work, I also don't wear a bikini. I'm usually sporting running shorts, a sports bra, and a tank top. When I'm swimming or we go to the beach on a field trip, I have to wear a one piece, so my mid section is still rather pale. I do run in just a sports bra sometimes, but since I don't run laying down, my mid section doesn't get much sun. To make a long story short, my back currently resembles the backside of a lobster....red as can be. Ouch!

Sorry for the awkward picture. I'm just trying to show 

my poor sunburned back. 

Had to take a classic mirror pic after..I'm 

such a dork!

After returning from the beach, my parents took me out to dinner. Now, I'm just relaxing and watching a movie. Never Let Me Go....It's so good pretty far.

Tomorrow, I'm going to go for a long bike ride with my dad...tomorrow is a running rest day--meaning I'm not running. Lately, I've been pretty good at not running everyday and doing more cross training!

Afterwards, my mom is taking me to see Winnie The Pooh. I've been waiting to see this movie for two weeks. I finally convinced someone to see it with me. And who better to relive your childhood and see Winnie with than the momma?

Would you happen to have some honey? 

Have a good night amigas!

Oh, and hopefully I can share my good news with you soon. I'm just waiting for one final thing! Sorry about the ambiguity.

Questions:
1) Are you enjoying your weekends? I hope so!
2) Runners....is it hard for you to cross train instead of run? And, what type of cross training do you do. I feel like cross training does wonders for my body, but I always feel guilty because in my disordered mind, running is the best workout. So, I should run everyday, right? Wrong! 

Sorry

For the lack of postage that is.

I've been pretty busy the last few days, but I'll post soon.

I Promise!

I think I may have some good news to share with you all. I just don't want to jinx it.

I'll fill you in soon : )

Enjoy your weekends loves.

It's A Love Hate Sort of Thing!

What am I talking about?

Chocolate? No, I just love that....there's no hate involved : )

Kiddies? No, they are too cute to hate!

Mosquitos? Nope, I just plain hate them!

I'm talking about early morning runs. I have really mixed feelings about them.

I only run at the crack of dawn when my schedule necessitates it. Or, when I have a really busy morning. I hate running in the afternoons.

When I have the whole day to myself, I choose to run mid morning. I get up fairly early....around 7ish. Enjoy a wonderful breakfast, drink a cup o' joe, digest a bit, use the bathroom (sorry if that's too much info), and head out the door around 9.

Because I am at work, though, 5 days a week, from 6:45AM to about 5PM, my morning routine gets cut drastically short, and I have to adjust my running schedule. I can take my lunch early in the morning and go for a run, but a lot of days I don't feel like doing this for two reasons:

1) I have a bad habit of obsessing and worrying  thinking too much about my workout until I get it done. When I put off my workout until later in the morning, I spend the morning thinking about my run instead of enjoying time with my counselors and campers. Bad habit....I know I need to break it.

2) My work is located on top of a hill. No matter which way I run, I run downhill. If I go on a four mile run, I spend the first two miles coasting down hill and then the last two miles trudging back up. Not fun....not fun at all.

Because of this, I often wake up at 5AM, put on my running shoes, and get my behind out the door within 5 minutes of waking up. As the title of the post implies, I kind of love this and kind of hate it.

What's to love?

Running with the sunrise!

Being half asleep through the first couple miles of the run. When I finally feel awake, my run is half way over.

Finishing my run before 5:45 AM...before a majority people are out bed.

Not having to deal with thinking about my run for the rest of the day.

And, here's what I hate!

Dreading the sound of my alarm in the morning because I know I have to get straight out of bed and on to the pavement.

Umm...not using the bathroom ahead of time makes for a little stomach discomfort towards the end of my run. Have to have a cup of joe or some breakfast in me to use the bathroom. Sorry for the TMI once again : /

Having my legs feel like jello by the end of my run because I haven't fueled up yet. I need to experiment more with having something small to eat before I head out.

Having this for breakfast because I don't have time for anything else and because I eat at work to save time.

Recycled pic, but it's what I had for breakfast this morning...except

the clif bar was of the chocolate peanut butter variety!

As you can see, I have mixed emotions about running at the crack ass of dawn. Luckily, camp is coming to an end (I'm sad about it for other reasons). I'm working at another camp after the end of this one for a couple weeks, but I don't believe it starts so early.

And on a completely random note, here's what I had for dinner!

Sorry for the crappy Iphone pic. I was trying to be discrete 

at the dinner table. Fake meat taco with a side salad. Wednesday

is taco night once again in this house. Fine by me : )

I was going to do a WIAW post, but I packed my lunchbox before remembering to take pics. Also, when I thought about it, my eats were pretty similar to last week, so I didn't have anything really too exciting to share. Sorry guys. 

About the barbecue mentioned in yesterday's post. I decided not to go. Two of the coworkers I am closest with weren't going, and after working 10 hours, I'm tired and honestly would rather be in bed by the hour of 8:00pm. I know I may regret not going, but that's okay. The staff dinner is next Thursday, and I'm definitely going unless some dire circumstance presents itself. Hold me to it!

Night chicas! (And chicos if there are any)

Questions: 
What are your thoughts on early morning runs? 
When is your favorite time of day to run?