Hey everyone!
Don't get all excited. This post is going to be really quick because I had such a busy day, and I am sooo tired. I did take pictures of all my eats, though. I am just too tired and lazy to upload them today. Hopefully, I'll have time tomorrow to upload them and give you a recap of my day. Well, I'm going to finish watching "The Blind Side" and hit the hay.
Night folks!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I Love Me some Panini!
Okay, so here's what went down after breakfast today.
After showering and getting ready, I went with my dad to TJ Max and the grocery store. Unfortunately, I couldn't find anything at TJ's. Bummer, I know. Actually, I found a pair of Coach shoes I absolutely adored, but they were $100 dollars. I tend to be kind of hard on shoes, so I couldn't see myself departing with my dear friend Ben Franklin for one pair of shoes. Although TJ's was a bust, I did have better luck at the grocery store. I got all of this for $26 and some odd cents:
I was actually surprised that my total came to just over $26 dollars. Why? you may ask. Well, my mom gave me exactly $26 dollars to get groceries. I didn't have any extra cash on me, but I did have a bunch of pennies. I think the people behind me in line were getting kind of agitated (and rightly so) as I kept popping pennies into the self-check out machine. I ended up running out of pennies and being 19 cents short. I was about to pull out my trusty debit card, but before I could do this, my dad came to the rescue and gave me a dollar. And for that I thank him.
After returning form my TJ's and grocery store excursion (exciting, I know), I decided it was time to hit the books. Although I'm not exactly sure what my plans are for the rest of the semester (because I need to focus on recovery), I'm still trying my best to keep up with my classes. I've been doing a pretty good job at this in most of my classes, but Spanish is a different story. It's just so hard, and it is really difficult to keep up with all the information when I miss class for ED appointments. Despite feeling lost in the class, I spent a good amount of time studying for it today. Below is a picture of my lovely spanish book.
I spent about almost two hours studying. Then I realized it was almost two o'clock and I hadn't had lunch yet (not good). So I finished studying, headed to the kitchen, and pulled out the new panini pan my mother got. For lunch I had a sliced chicken breast panini with FF mozzarella cheese, and dijon mustard. It was delicioso! I paired my panini with a Vitaminwater Zero and a Kashi pumpkin pie granola bar. This was my first time trying this particular Kashi bar, and let me tell you all: I'm in love! It was sooooo good. It definitely tasted like pumpkin pie. I also liked the crunchiness of the granola.
Once I finished my lunch, I studied for spanish some more. Then before I knew it, it was five o'clock and time for my daily snack-a-roon-i! Today, I decided to have some Dannon Light & Fit vanilla yogurt with sliced strawberries. This combo was pretty good, but I definitely prefer greek yogurt. I used to eat Dannon all the time, but after eating mainly Greek for the past month or so, Dannon definitely didn't live up.
After my strawberry snacketer, I kind of just chilled out and did a whole lot of nothing for about an hour. Then I got my behind in gear, and got ready to head out for my weekly sorority chapter meeting. At about quarter to 7:00, I left and had a lovely drive to the meeting. It was cloudy out, but the sun was setting over the lake, and it was just so pretty. I should have snapped a pick for you guys. Actually, scratch that; I was driving. It's probably not a good idea to fumble with my camera while operating a two ton vehicle.
The sorority meeting went well, but I was happy to get home afterwards because dinner was waiting for me. Nothing that exciting.....just what I eat almost every night. A Smucker's Uncrustable with two Quaker chocolate rice cakes. Boring to most, but yummy to my tummy. Take a look at Mr. Uncrustable hanging with his two lovely chocolate ladies.
Right now, I am watching the TV program "Life" on the discovery channel. I have to admit, I love shows like these. They are so simple, yet so calming, comforting, and beautiful. I'm not sure if I enjoy "Life" as much as I enjoyed "Planet Earth", though. Don't get me wrong...I love Oprah, but I think she is better at doing talk shows.
Pretty soon, I'm going to make my self an evening snack. It will probably be popcorn and a Vitabrownie with Cool Whip. Then I'll probably call it an early night. This girl, right here, has a busy day tomorrow. Three classes, a sorority function, a therapy seshh, and lunch with a friend.
Have a good night everyone!
Good Morning Y'all
Like the bit of southern accent I threw in on this lovely Sunday morning? Yes, no, maybe so...? Sorry, I'm in a corny mood this morning. By the way, I'm not even from the south, but I thought I'd pretend I was this morning...I don't know. It's early; my head is still in the clouds.
Anyways, onto my eats or breakfast that is. It's only 10:00AM, so of course I haven't eaten all my food for the day yet. Okay, moving on....I just finished breakfast, and let me tell you: I enjoyed every cold, crisp spoonful of this baby. I had my version of a yogurt mess (again). It consisted of Yoplait vanilla and honey greek yogurt, some cinnamon, half an organic banana, and 1/2 cup of Fiber One original cereal. I also enjoyed my breakfast with an icy-cold glass of Brita-filtered water and a hot cup of chocolate glazed donut java. Yummmmmmmyyyyy!
Ever since I have been following my meal plan, which requires me to eat breakfast, I have only been eating yogurt messes. I know I should change it up and try something else, but I just love these cool, creamy concoctions so much. At the same time, I know that I am eating the same thing everyday because ED tells me too. Ed informs me that if I try something new, I may not like it, and then (according to him) I'll just be wasting calories. Maybe that should be a goal of mine this week....to try something new at least one day for breakfast. We'll see how that goes as the week progresses.
Okay, enough about breakfast. On to my plans for this mild Sunday in late March. Oh wow, I just realized that this is the last Sunday in March. Okay, I'm getting side tracked. Just to let you know, I go off on tangents a lot. Get to the point Kristy! Soooo...for today...
Well now that breakfast is resting in my tummy, I assume I should go shower and get ready for my day. After that, I think I am going to go out with my dadio (he hates when I call him that) and make a trip to the grocery store. I gotta stock up on yummy, nutritious eats for the week. Since the grocery store is right next to TJ Max, I may have to sneak in there to see what wonderful deals I can find. I'd really like to find some cute bowls, plates, or something of the like. I'd also like to find some new cute ballet flats, seeing that Spring is almost here. Yay! Afterwards, I think I will make myself some lunch. I may just have to take advantage of that little panini pan my mom bought me yesterday. Then I need to get some school work done.
Then comes the big question (a.ka. Kristy's major dilemma of the day): should I go to my sorority's pizza dinner tonight? I know the answer should be yes, but ED is screaming "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!". I want to go and have some fun, but that would require eating pizza and eating way earlier than I usually do-two things that ED does not approve of. I know I should just tell ED to shut up and go, but I'm afraid that if I go, I won't follow my food plan for the day. I guess I'll think about it for a while and decide tonight. Whether I go to the pizza dinner or not, I have to go to our weekly chapter meeting afterwards.
Well those are my plans for the day. We'll see how things play out. Have a lovely day y'all! (I just had to throw the southern thing in one more time this morning.)
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Support From Surprising Places
Okay, I'm sorry about the "S" title theme going on today, and I know I have already posted today, but I had to share something with you all.
Until about a half an hour ago, I was feeling pretty down-in-the dumps. Not that anything was particularly bad, but I was just bummed about sitting at home, not doing a whole lot, on a Saturday night. When I think back to before ED, I was always out with friends or doing something on a Saturday night, but ED's control over food often ends up controlling my life and leaving me with not enough energy to go out and have fun on a Saturday night.
Anyways, my spirits were really lifted when I got a phone call from a neighbor tonight. She is friends with my parents, and I grew up with her daughter. Well my parents went over there tonight, and my dad told her about my eating disorder (with my permission, of course).
Well, after my parents came home, my neighbor called me up and told me how much she cares about me and that she is always going to be there for me. She gave me a lot of useful advice and really just made me feel better about myself as a person. She also offered to take me out to lunch. I think I am just going to have to take her up on that offer. Of course, ED tells me there is no way I am going to go out to eat at a restaurant, but I'm going to have to learn how to tell ED to shut up.
Not that I thought my neighbor would be unsupportive, but I never imagined she would be so there for me. I guess I should consider myself blessed to have so many people who care about me and support me in recovery : )
Until about a half an hour ago, I was feeling pretty down-in-the dumps. Not that anything was particularly bad, but I was just bummed about sitting at home, not doing a whole lot, on a Saturday night. When I think back to before ED, I was always out with friends or doing something on a Saturday night, but ED's control over food often ends up controlling my life and leaving me with not enough energy to go out and have fun on a Saturday night.
Anyways, my spirits were really lifted when I got a phone call from a neighbor tonight. She is friends with my parents, and I grew up with her daughter. Well my parents went over there tonight, and my dad told her about my eating disorder (with my permission, of course).
Well, after my parents came home, my neighbor called me up and told me how much she cares about me and that she is always going to be there for me. She gave me a lot of useful advice and really just made me feel better about myself as a person. She also offered to take me out to lunch. I think I am just going to have to take her up on that offer. Of course, ED tells me there is no way I am going to go out to eat at a restaurant, but I'm going to have to learn how to tell ED to shut up.
Not that I thought my neighbor would be unsupportive, but I never imagined she would be so there for me. I guess I should consider myself blessed to have so many people who care about me and support me in recovery : )
Slacking Saturday
As the title of this post implies, today was a lazy day for me. I didn't really do a whole lot, but it's the weekend, so that's okay, right?
Okay, so I started my day off with my version of a yogurt mess. It consisted of Chobani vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup of Fiber One original cereal, and 1/2 of an organic banana. Oh! I can't forget the generous sprinkling of cinnamon, which sweetened and spiced my breakfast up. With my breakfast, I also enjoyed a hot cup of Glazed Chocolate Donut coffee (yummmmmmm!!) and a bottle of mixed berry VitaminWater.
So I know that I should be eating more for breakfast, but you must remember that I am still in the early stages of recovery. Just eating breakfast is a huge deal for me. I never used to eat breakfast, so every morning when I wake up, ED yells at me and throws a huge temper tantrum. "It's too early to eat!" he screams. Through counseling, I am learning to ignore ED or tell him to shut up, so I can enjoy my breakfast (and other meals). My nutritionist understands how hard breakfast is for me, so she is letting me start off my day with a small breakfast. As I progress in recovery, I hope I can add some peanut butter to my yogurt messes, because OMG, I loooovvveee peanut butter!!!
After my yummy breakfast, I kind of just bummed around the house for a while. I had the house to myself because my parents went out to breakfast and then shopping (like they do almost every Saturday morning). I wanted to come, but ED wasn't going to allow me to eat breakfast out at a restaurant and follow my meal plan, so I thought it would be better if I skipped, so I could do what's best...health wise. Anyways, I ended up checking email, reading food blogs, and watching a little AM TV before finally getting off my bum and taking a shower.
By the time I had showered and dressed, my lovely parents had returned from their weekly b-fast and shopping trip. And to my surprise, my madre bought me an awesome panini pan. This excited me greatly. I love panini sandwiches. They are just so yummy. Usually, when I want a a panini, I have to drag out the electric grill thing and struggle to get the right face plates on. Ugghhh...it's such a pain. Now, however, I can just take out the convenient little pan, heat up the stovetop, and panini away. Yay!
Because I had gotten a new panini pan, I was planning on making a pita panini for lunch, but I realized I wouldn't have time because I had a wedding to go to. Yep, you all heard me right; I had a wedding to go to. A daughter of a family friend got hitched today. Congrats to her by the way! Anyways, I realized I wouldn't have time to have a sit-down panini lunch and make it to the wedding. I thought about not going to the wedding, so I could have a healthy lunch, but then I realized that was just ED talking. ED told me that in order to eat, I needed to skip out on everything else. He's so irrational, isn't he? Yet, I still listen to him sometimes.
Lunch ended up being lunch-on-the-go (something I'm not really comfortable with, but I forced myself to eat it anyways). A chocolate chip peanut Odwalla bar and another organic banana. I know, not the best lunch, but like I said, I'm still early phases of recovery. I almost went for an apple and carrots instead of the banana, but I didn't. Oh well.
Anyways, I arrived at the wedding on time, but unfortunately, ED wouldn't let me stay for the whole thing. I thought the reception and wedding were going to be separate, but they were like combined and lunch was going to be served! I had already eaten lunch, and there was no way ED was going to let me eat more. I could have just told people I already ate, but that would have been rude, and people would have stared at me because I'm really underweight. Luckily, my parents understood my uneasiness with the situation and we headed out early. I'm not happy that we did, but I'm still under the control of ED, and in order to stay healthy, sometimes I have to make sacrifices. I've felt like a selfish heel the whole day, though, because I left a wedding early. Hopefully, as I continue down the path towards recovery, ED will let me live my life and not interfere like he did today.
After leaving the wedding, my parents and I stopped at Costco to pick up some fish oil supplements, which my nutritionist recommend I take. Costco was packed, but we still managed to get in and out pretty quickly. Oh, my dad picked up the blueray version of "The Wizzard of Oz".
When I got home, my dad popped in "The Wizzard of Oz", and I kind of half-watched the movie while also writing a letter for one of my sorority advisors on my computer. "I'll get you my pretty...and you're little dog too!"...classic line, right there folks.
After finishing my letter and watching the movie, I snacked on a container of vanilla Chobani. It was kind of boring, but at least it was packed with protein. Snacks are another hard thing for me. Before going on my meal plan, snacks were out of the picture for me. According to Ed, they weren't allowed. With everyday that goes by, though, I become more comfortable eating my afternoon snack.
I pretty bored this afternoon and feeling a little bummed-out, so I decided to take my mind off of things by making peanut butter cookies. Of course, I won't be eating any (ED won't let me), but I enjoyed making them, nonetheless. I think my dad is related to the cookie monster, so I'm sure those cookies will disappear in no time.
After killing some more time (I seemed to do a lot of that today), I chowed down on some dinner. And what did I have??? Drumroll puh-leasseee. A Smucker's Uncrustuble. Yep, you heard me right. Although they are heavily processed and not any form of fine cuisine, I love these babies to death. I eat one almost every night. I realize that ED may also love Smucker's Uncrustables, and that might be why I eat them so often, but "I" still love them. Anywho, I paired my sandwich with two chocolate rice cakes and a glass of ice cold water.
I feel like I should get this post up, so I don't forget to post it later, but for my evening snack, I'm planning on having a mini bag of popcorn and a chocolate Vitabrownie with fat-free cool whip. Yum-yum!
I've touched on this before, but I realize that in order to gain weight and "recover" from my eating disorder, I am going to have to eat more. I'm in the early stages of recovery, though. I'm gradually working my way back up to a healthy, normal amount of food. But for right now, I'm following my meal plan. Notice how I said my meal plan and not ED's meal plan. That in itself is a huge step for me, so go me!
Have a good night everyone!
Okay, so I started my day off with my version of a yogurt mess. It consisted of Chobani vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup of Fiber One original cereal, and 1/2 of an organic banana. Oh! I can't forget the generous sprinkling of cinnamon, which sweetened and spiced my breakfast up. With my breakfast, I also enjoyed a hot cup of Glazed Chocolate Donut coffee (yummmmmmm!!) and a bottle of mixed berry VitaminWater.
So I know that I should be eating more for breakfast, but you must remember that I am still in the early stages of recovery. Just eating breakfast is a huge deal for me. I never used to eat breakfast, so every morning when I wake up, ED yells at me and throws a huge temper tantrum. "It's too early to eat!" he screams. Through counseling, I am learning to ignore ED or tell him to shut up, so I can enjoy my breakfast (and other meals). My nutritionist understands how hard breakfast is for me, so she is letting me start off my day with a small breakfast. As I progress in recovery, I hope I can add some peanut butter to my yogurt messes, because OMG, I loooovvveee peanut butter!!!
After my yummy breakfast, I kind of just bummed around the house for a while. I had the house to myself because my parents went out to breakfast and then shopping (like they do almost every Saturday morning). I wanted to come, but ED wasn't going to allow me to eat breakfast out at a restaurant and follow my meal plan, so I thought it would be better if I skipped, so I could do what's best...health wise. Anyways, I ended up checking email, reading food blogs, and watching a little AM TV before finally getting off my bum and taking a shower.
By the time I had showered and dressed, my lovely parents had returned from their weekly b-fast and shopping trip. And to my surprise, my madre bought me an awesome panini pan. This excited me greatly. I love panini sandwiches. They are just so yummy. Usually, when I want a a panini, I have to drag out the electric grill thing and struggle to get the right face plates on. Ugghhh...it's such a pain. Now, however, I can just take out the convenient little pan, heat up the stovetop, and panini away. Yay!
Because I had gotten a new panini pan, I was planning on making a pita panini for lunch, but I realized I wouldn't have time because I had a wedding to go to. Yep, you all heard me right; I had a wedding to go to. A daughter of a family friend got hitched today. Congrats to her by the way! Anyways, I realized I wouldn't have time to have a sit-down panini lunch and make it to the wedding. I thought about not going to the wedding, so I could have a healthy lunch, but then I realized that was just ED talking. ED told me that in order to eat, I needed to skip out on everything else. He's so irrational, isn't he? Yet, I still listen to him sometimes.
Lunch ended up being lunch-on-the-go (something I'm not really comfortable with, but I forced myself to eat it anyways). A chocolate chip peanut Odwalla bar and another organic banana. I know, not the best lunch, but like I said, I'm still early phases of recovery. I almost went for an apple and carrots instead of the banana, but I didn't. Oh well.
Anyways, I arrived at the wedding on time, but unfortunately, ED wouldn't let me stay for the whole thing. I thought the reception and wedding were going to be separate, but they were like combined and lunch was going to be served! I had already eaten lunch, and there was no way ED was going to let me eat more. I could have just told people I already ate, but that would have been rude, and people would have stared at me because I'm really underweight. Luckily, my parents understood my uneasiness with the situation and we headed out early. I'm not happy that we did, but I'm still under the control of ED, and in order to stay healthy, sometimes I have to make sacrifices. I've felt like a selfish heel the whole day, though, because I left a wedding early. Hopefully, as I continue down the path towards recovery, ED will let me live my life and not interfere like he did today.
After leaving the wedding, my parents and I stopped at Costco to pick up some fish oil supplements, which my nutritionist recommend I take. Costco was packed, but we still managed to get in and out pretty quickly. Oh, my dad picked up the blueray version of "The Wizzard of Oz".
When I got home, my dad popped in "The Wizzard of Oz", and I kind of half-watched the movie while also writing a letter for one of my sorority advisors on my computer. "I'll get you my pretty...and you're little dog too!"...classic line, right there folks.
After finishing my letter and watching the movie, I snacked on a container of vanilla Chobani. It was kind of boring, but at least it was packed with protein. Snacks are another hard thing for me. Before going on my meal plan, snacks were out of the picture for me. According to Ed, they weren't allowed. With everyday that goes by, though, I become more comfortable eating my afternoon snack.
I pretty bored this afternoon and feeling a little bummed-out, so I decided to take my mind off of things by making peanut butter cookies. Of course, I won't be eating any (ED won't let me), but I enjoyed making them, nonetheless. I think my dad is related to the cookie monster, so I'm sure those cookies will disappear in no time.
After killing some more time (I seemed to do a lot of that today), I chowed down on some dinner. And what did I have??? Drumroll puh-leasseee. A Smucker's Uncrustuble. Yep, you heard me right. Although they are heavily processed and not any form of fine cuisine, I love these babies to death. I eat one almost every night. I realize that ED may also love Smucker's Uncrustables, and that might be why I eat them so often, but "I" still love them. Anywho, I paired my sandwich with two chocolate rice cakes and a glass of ice cold water.
I feel like I should get this post up, so I don't forget to post it later, but for my evening snack, I'm planning on having a mini bag of popcorn and a chocolate Vitabrownie with fat-free cool whip. Yum-yum!
I've touched on this before, but I realize that in order to gain weight and "recover" from my eating disorder, I am going to have to eat more. I'm in the early stages of recovery, though. I'm gradually working my way back up to a healthy, normal amount of food. But for right now, I'm following my meal plan. Notice how I said my meal plan and not ED's meal plan. That in itself is a huge step for me, so go me!
Have a good night everyone!
About Me
Hi everyone! First off, welcome to my blog. Whether you stumbled on my blog by pure chance or were intentionally looking for it, you are welcome to read. Enjoy! Okay, so a little about me….My name is Kristy (obviously), and I am 19 year old sophomore in college, majoring in elementary education. I love working with children, and I hope that a career in the teaching field will allow me to enrich the lives of many. Besides my classes, I am also involved in a sorority and a program that allows me to read to young children who attend impoverished schools.
Outside of school, I love spending time with friends and family. Although I don’t have any siblings, I am very family oriented. I have a good relationship with my parents, and I absolutely adore my two dogs even though they can really get on my nerves sometimes.
Now that I have given you some basic information about me, I should probably tell everyone why I am writing this blog. In brief, I am writing this blog to help me regain a healthy relationship with food and to share my journey through recovery. I guess now would be a good time to inform you all that I am struggling with the eating disorder Anorexia. I should also let it be known that I am getting professional help. I am in the early stages of recovery, but I’m doing everything possible to keep myself moving forward on the path to recovery. How everything started (ED): Growing up, I never really had a problem with food or body image. I’m not saying that I always liked what I saw looking back at me in the mirror or that my diet paralleled the FDA’s food pyramid, but food was never an issue for me. I tried to eat healthy, but for the most part, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I also had a healthy relationship with exercise. I was pretty active. As a youngster, I was involved in many different sports. As I entered high school, I stopped playing sports competitively, but I stayed very active through intramural sports, running, skiing, biking, etc.
Towards the end of my senior year of high school, everything changed. After Christmas, I unintentionally started to lose weight. I was not restricting what I ate at all or exercising excessively, but I was very stressed with the college application process during this time. To relieve some of this stress, I turned to exercise. The extra exercise along with a small attempt on my part to eat healthier probably caused me to lose about five pounds. Soon, people started to notice my weight loss and would often comment that I was looking “fit”. As my senior year rolled on, the stress kept piling up. Senior projects, school work, college applications, friend drama, etc. drove my stress level through the roof. In retrospect, I also realize that I was very apprehensive about the future during this time. Although I was looking forward to going to college, I was very nervous and kind of sad about leaving behind my friends, high school, and family. The stress and anxiety caused me to exercise more and more and intentionally restrict my food intake. Towards the very end of my senior year, I was dropping weight rapidly and was eating very little. In fact, I can recall a few days when I didn’t eat at all.
Hi everyone! First off, welcome to my blog. Whether you stumbled on my blog by pure chance or were intentionally looking for it, you are welcome to read. Enjoy! Okay, so a little about me….My name is Kristy (obviously), and I am 19 year old sophomore in college, majoring in elementary education. I love working with children, and I hope that a career in the teaching field will allow me to enrich the lives of many. Besides my classes, I am also involved in a sorority and a program that allows me to read to young children who attend impoverished schools. Outside of school, I love spending time with friends and family. Although I don’t have any siblings, I am very family oriented. I have a good relationship with my parents, and I absolutely adore my two dogs even though they can really get on my nerves sometimes. Now that I have given you some basic information about me, I should probably tell everyone why I am writing this blog. In brief, I am writing this blog to help me regain a healthy relationship with food and to share my journey through recovery. I guess now would be a good time to inform you all that I am struggling with the eating disorder Anorexia. I should also let it be known that I am getting professional help. I am in the early stages of recovery, but I’m doing everything possible to keep myself moving forward on the path to recovery. How everything started: Growing up, I never really had a problem with food or body image. I’m not saying that I always liked what I saw looking back at me in the mirror or that my diet paralleled the FDA’s food pyramid, but food was never an issue for me. I tried to eat healthy, but for the most part, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I also had a healthy relationship with exercise. I was pretty active. As a youngster, I was involved in many different sports. As I entered high school, I stopped playing sports competitively, but I stayed very active through intramural sports, running, skiing, biking, etc. Towards the end of my senior year of high school, everything changed. After Christmas, I unintentionally started to lose weight. I was not restricting what I ate at all or exercising excessively, but I was very stressed with the college application process during this time. To relieve some of this stress, I turned to exercise. The extra exercise along with a small attempt on my part to eat healthier probably caused me to lose about five pounds. Soon, people started to notice my weight loss and would often comment that I was looking “fit”. As my senior year rolled on, the stress kept piling up. Senior projects, school work, college applications, friend drama, etc. drove my stress level through the roof. In retrospect, I also realize that I was very apprehensive about the future during this time. Although I was looking forward to going to college, I was very nervous and kind of sad about leaving behind my friends, high school, and family. The stress and anxiety caused me to exercise more and more and intentionally restrict my food intake. Towards the very end of my senior year, I was dropping weight rapidly and was eating very little. In fact, I can recall a few days when I didn’t eat at all. After graduation, I slowly started eating more again. There was a time during this summer when I was almost eating a "normal", healthy amount. Unfortunately, I was obsessed with exercise during this time. I went to the gym almost every day and worked out for about two hours. On days when I didn't go to the gym, I would bike or run outside. Despite the amount of exercise, I managed to maintain my weight during the summer. Although my weight was on the low end of healthy, it was still healthy at this time.
As the summer winded down and the beginning of my college career drew near, I began to become a little nervous, but at the same time, I was really excited to head out on my own and start a new chapter in my life. When I first got to college, I lost a few more pounds. I thought I was still eating the same amount as I had during the summer, but I think I was walking more while also spending more time at the gym. I guess I should also mention that I quickly figured out that I did not like my college at all. Academically, it was fine, but it was in the middle of nowhere. The only thing there was to do was party (not something I like to do all the time). Additionally, I really missed my friends and family.
I stuck the year out at this college (with plans to transfer), but I went home a lot, and to take my mind off of my unhappiness there, I centered my thoughts on food. I went throughout most of the year without losing a noticeable amount of weight, but I constantly thought about food, restricted my intake, and did everything possible to be in complete control of what I was eating. For example, I would always avoid going out to eat with my college friends because it would prevent me from eating how ED wanted me to.
As I mentioned above, I knew I wanted to transfer very early in my freshman year, but I didn't know where. After some consideration, I narrowed it down to two colleges: a large university close to my home or another large university that my best friend attended, which was over 300 miles away! I ended up deciding to transfer to the far away university. At first, I was really excited about the idea of going there. I mean, I never really liked the idea of being 300 miles away from home, but I like the school a lot, and my best friend was there...a major perk!
Going back to my timeline, after finishing up my freshman year, I went home for the summer in good spirits. I was so happy it was finally summer. I was ready to enjoy time with my old friends and family and soak up all the sunshine I could. I was also still excited about leaving to go to school out of state at the end of the summer.
Although I was pretty happy at the begging of the summer, my thoughts became more and more about food, and I began to restrict even further. I also upped my exercise regime. Because of this, my weight started dropping again. By the end of summer, I had lost another 10 pounds and was now clearly underweight. People started expressing concerns about me, but I just shrugged them off (or shall I say ED shrugged them off). I knew that I didn't have a healthy relationship with food, but I really didn't realize that I had an eating disorder.
While my weight was dropping during the later part of summer and my sophomore year approached, I began having second thoughts about going to school out of state. Although part of my still really wanted to go there, I didn't want to be so far away from home, and I realized that I was mainly just going there because my best friend was going there. After three weeks of deep contemplation and very little sleep, I finally decided I didn't want to go to school out of state. I felt horrible for letting my best friend down, but I just couldn't force myself to go; my heart wasn't there.
After deciding not to transfer out of state, I quickly had to decide what I wanted to do with my life....well at least in the academic realm. I knew I wanted to enroll at the large university near my home, but unfortunately, it was too late for the fall semester. I ended up deciding to live at home and take a full course load at a local community college for the semester. Well, I did just this. I did fine academically that semester, but I wasn't taking care of myself...health-wise. With almost all of my friends away at their out of state schools, I was left to my own devices. I ended up spending all my time thinking about food. I began restricting (even more) and thinking about food constantly. During my free time, I would cook (for other people and not myself, of course), obsess about calories and what I would eat each and every day. By the time the fall semester was over, I had lost another 10 or so pounds.
When all my friends came home for Christmas break, they were shocked at how thin I was. My family noticed my thin stature also, but they saw me eat, so they were kind of in denial (as was I) for a long time. After Christmas break, I started at the University close to my house. Living on campus, made it easy to stay busy, make friends, and keep my mind off of food, but by no means was I on a path to a healthy lifestyle. Throughout the first month or so of school, my weight continued to drop.
Being so close to home, I saw my parents often. Between my emaciated appearance and open conversations, my parents and I jointly decided that I needed help. This is when the recovery journey began for me. I began the process by seeing a general therapist who then referred me to an outpatient treatment center. I have been going to the outpatient treatment center a few times a week for the past month or so. Although it is very early in the recovery process, I am already making strides (I think).
You all are probably wondering how and if I am managing recovery and school simultaneously. Well, let me tell you, it isn't easy. I considered medically withdrawing for the semester (and I still am to some extent), but I think I am going to try to stick it out, seeing that the semester is 2/3rds of the way through. I have talked to all of my professors, though, and have worked it out, so I don't need to be in class everyday. I have also moved back home, where I feel more comfortable eating and less anxious. I may have to take incompletes and finish my work over the summer, but my health comes first, right? Of course it does!
Okay, so that's enough about me, but I hope you all enjoy my blog and can support me during my recovery.
Enjoy!
Outside of school, I love spending time with friends and family. Although I don’t have any siblings, I am very family oriented. I have a good relationship with my parents, and I absolutely adore my two dogs even though they can really get on my nerves sometimes.
Now that I have given you some basic information about me, I should probably tell everyone why I am writing this blog. In brief, I am writing this blog to help me regain a healthy relationship with food and to share my journey through recovery. I guess now would be a good time to inform you all that I am struggling with the eating disorder Anorexia. I should also let it be known that I am getting professional help. I am in the early stages of recovery, but I’m doing everything possible to keep myself moving forward on the path to recovery. How everything started (ED): Growing up, I never really had a problem with food or body image. I’m not saying that I always liked what I saw looking back at me in the mirror or that my diet paralleled the FDA’s food pyramid, but food was never an issue for me. I tried to eat healthy, but for the most part, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I also had a healthy relationship with exercise. I was pretty active. As a youngster, I was involved in many different sports. As I entered high school, I stopped playing sports competitively, but I stayed very active through intramural sports, running, skiing, biking, etc.
A picture of me pre weight-loss and ED
Towards the end of my senior year of high school, everything changed. After Christmas, I unintentionally started to lose weight. I was not restricting what I ate at all or exercising excessively, but I was very stressed with the college application process during this time. To relieve some of this stress, I turned to exercise. The extra exercise along with a small attempt on my part to eat healthier probably caused me to lose about five pounds. Soon, people started to notice my weight loss and would often comment that I was looking “fit”. As my senior year rolled on, the stress kept piling up. Senior projects, school work, college applications, friend drama, etc. drove my stress level through the roof. In retrospect, I also realize that I was very apprehensive about the future during this time. Although I was looking forward to going to college, I was very nervous and kind of sad about leaving behind my friends, high school, and family. The stress and anxiety caused me to exercise more and more and intentionally restrict my food intake. Towards the very end of my senior year, I was dropping weight rapidly and was eating very little. In fact, I can recall a few days when I didn’t eat at all.
Hi everyone! First off, welcome to my blog. Whether you stumbled on my blog by pure chance or were intentionally looking for it, you are welcome to read. Enjoy! Okay, so a little about me….My name is Kristy (obviously), and I am 19 year old sophomore in college, majoring in elementary education. I love working with children, and I hope that a career in the teaching field will allow me to enrich the lives of many. Besides my classes, I am also involved in a sorority and a program that allows me to read to young children who attend impoverished schools. Outside of school, I love spending time with friends and family. Although I don’t have any siblings, I am very family oriented. I have a good relationship with my parents, and I absolutely adore my two dogs even though they can really get on my nerves sometimes. Now that I have given you some basic information about me, I should probably tell everyone why I am writing this blog. In brief, I am writing this blog to help me regain a healthy relationship with food and to share my journey through recovery. I guess now would be a good time to inform you all that I am struggling with the eating disorder Anorexia. I should also let it be known that I am getting professional help. I am in the early stages of recovery, but I’m doing everything possible to keep myself moving forward on the path to recovery. How everything started: Growing up, I never really had a problem with food or body image. I’m not saying that I always liked what I saw looking back at me in the mirror or that my diet paralleled the FDA’s food pyramid, but food was never an issue for me. I tried to eat healthy, but for the most part, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I also had a healthy relationship with exercise. I was pretty active. As a youngster, I was involved in many different sports. As I entered high school, I stopped playing sports competitively, but I stayed very active through intramural sports, running, skiing, biking, etc. Towards the end of my senior year of high school, everything changed. After Christmas, I unintentionally started to lose weight. I was not restricting what I ate at all or exercising excessively, but I was very stressed with the college application process during this time. To relieve some of this stress, I turned to exercise. The extra exercise along with a small attempt on my part to eat healthier probably caused me to lose about five pounds. Soon, people started to notice my weight loss and would often comment that I was looking “fit”. As my senior year rolled on, the stress kept piling up. Senior projects, school work, college applications, friend drama, etc. drove my stress level through the roof. In retrospect, I also realize that I was very apprehensive about the future during this time. Although I was looking forward to going to college, I was very nervous and kind of sad about leaving behind my friends, high school, and family. The stress and anxiety caused me to exercise more and more and intentionally restrict my food intake. Towards the very end of my senior year, I was dropping weight rapidly and was eating very little. In fact, I can recall a few days when I didn’t eat at all. After graduation, I slowly started eating more again. There was a time during this summer when I was almost eating a "normal", healthy amount. Unfortunately, I was obsessed with exercise during this time. I went to the gym almost every day and worked out for about two hours. On days when I didn't go to the gym, I would bike or run outside. Despite the amount of exercise, I managed to maintain my weight during the summer. Although my weight was on the low end of healthy, it was still healthy at this time.
I'm on the rich in this picture. Although I was fairly thin, I was
still healthy. However, I was definitely controlled by ED at this
point.
Oh! I should also mention that this was about the time I became obsessed with food. Although I restricted what I ate and tried to eat healthy, my thoughts were constantly centered around what I could eat, what I couldn't, when I would eat, etc. As the summer winded down and the beginning of my college career drew near, I began to become a little nervous, but at the same time, I was really excited to head out on my own and start something new. When I first got to college, I lost a few more pounds. I thought I was still eating the same amount as I had during the summer, but I think I was walking more while also spending more time at the gym. After graduation, I slowly started eating more again. There was a time during this summer when I was almost eating a "normal", healthy amount. Unfortunately, I was obsessed with exercise during this time. I went to the gym almost every day and worked out for about two hours. On days when I didn't go to the gym, I would bike or run outside. Despite the amount of exercise, I managed to maintain my weight during the summer. Although my weight was on the low end of healthy, it was still healthy at this time. Oh! I should also mention that this was about the time I became obsessed with food. Although I restricted what I ate and tried to eat healthy, my thoughts were constantly centered around what I could eat, what I couldn't, when I would eat, etc.
I stuck the year out at this college (with plans to transfer), but I went home a lot, and to take my mind off of my unhappiness there, I centered my thoughts on food. I went throughout most of the year without losing a noticeable amount of weight, but I constantly thought about food, restricted my intake, and did everything possible to be in complete control of what I was eating. For example, I would always avoid going out to eat with my college friends because it would prevent me from eating how ED wanted me to.
As I mentioned above, I knew I wanted to transfer very early in my freshman year, but I didn't know where. After some consideration, I narrowed it down to two colleges: a large university close to my home or another large university that my best friend attended, which was over 300 miles away! I ended up deciding to transfer to the far away university. At first, I was really excited about the idea of going there. I mean, I never really liked the idea of being 300 miles away from home, but I like the school a lot, and my best friend was there...a major perk!
Going back to my timeline, after finishing up my freshman year, I went home for the summer in good spirits. I was so happy it was finally summer. I was ready to enjoy time with my old friends and family and soak up all the sunshine I could. I was also still excited about leaving to go to school out of state at the end of the summer.
This was taken towards the beginning of the summer after my
freshman year. Im the one lounging.
Although I was pretty happy at the begging of the summer, my thoughts became more and more about food, and I began to restrict even further. I also upped my exercise regime. Because of this, my weight started dropping again. By the end of summer, I had lost another 10 pounds and was now clearly underweight. People started expressing concerns about me, but I just shrugged them off (or shall I say ED shrugged them off). I knew that I didn't have a healthy relationship with food, but I really didn't realize that I had an eating disorder.
Here's a pic of me at the end of last summer. It is
obvious I lost weight over the summer.
While my weight was dropping during the later part of summer and my sophomore year approached, I began having second thoughts about going to school out of state. Although part of my still really wanted to go there, I didn't want to be so far away from home, and I realized that I was mainly just going there because my best friend was going there. After three weeks of deep contemplation and very little sleep, I finally decided I didn't want to go to school out of state. I felt horrible for letting my best friend down, but I just couldn't force myself to go; my heart wasn't there.
After deciding not to transfer out of state, I quickly had to decide what I wanted to do with my life....well at least in the academic realm. I knew I wanted to enroll at the large university near my home, but unfortunately, it was too late for the fall semester. I ended up deciding to live at home and take a full course load at a local community college for the semester. Well, I did just this. I did fine academically that semester, but I wasn't taking care of myself...health-wise. With almost all of my friends away at their out of state schools, I was left to my own devices. I ended up spending all my time thinking about food. I began restricting (even more) and thinking about food constantly. During my free time, I would cook (for other people and not myself, of course), obsess about calories and what I would eat each and every day. By the time the fall semester was over, I had lost another 10 or so pounds.
When all my friends came home for Christmas break, they were shocked at how thin I was. My family noticed my thin stature also, but they saw me eat, so they were kind of in denial (as was I) for a long time. After Christmas break, I started at the University close to my house. Living on campus, made it easy to stay busy, make friends, and keep my mind off of food, but by no means was I on a path to a healthy lifestyle. Throughout the first month or so of school, my weight continued to drop.
Being so close to home, I saw my parents often. Between my emaciated appearance and open conversations, my parents and I jointly decided that I needed help. This is when the recovery journey began for me. I began the process by seeing a general therapist who then referred me to an outpatient treatment center. I have been going to the outpatient treatment center a few times a week for the past month or so. Although it is very early in the recovery process, I am already making strides (I think).
Here's a picture of me at my lowest weight. I was technically "in recovery"
at this point, but my weight dropped at one point (to the lowest it had been).
You all are probably wondering how and if I am managing recovery and school simultaneously. Well, let me tell you, it isn't easy. I considered medically withdrawing for the semester (and I still am to some extent), but I think I am going to try to stick it out, seeing that the semester is 2/3rds of the way through. I have talked to all of my professors, though, and have worked it out, so I don't need to be in class everyday. I have also moved back home, where I feel more comfortable eating and less anxious. I may have to take incompletes and finish my work over the summer, but my health comes first, right? Of course it does!
Okay, so that's enough about me, but I hope you all enjoy my blog and can support me during my recovery.
Enjoy!
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