Outside of school, I love spending time with friends and family. Although I don’t have any siblings, I am very family oriented. I have a good relationship with my parents, and I absolutely adore my two dogs even though they can really get on my nerves sometimes.
Now that I have given you some basic information about me, I should probably tell everyone why I am writing this blog. In brief, I am writing this blog to help me regain a healthy relationship with food and to share my journey through recovery. I guess now would be a good time to inform you all that I am struggling with the eating disorder Anorexia. I should also let it be known that I am getting professional help. I am in the early stages of recovery, but I’m doing everything possible to keep myself moving forward on the path to recovery. How everything started (ED): Growing up, I never really had a problem with food or body image. I’m not saying that I always liked what I saw looking back at me in the mirror or that my diet paralleled the FDA’s food pyramid, but food was never an issue for me. I tried to eat healthy, but for the most part, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I also had a healthy relationship with exercise. I was pretty active. As a youngster, I was involved in many different sports. As I entered high school, I stopped playing sports competitively, but I stayed very active through intramural sports, running, skiing, biking, etc.
A picture of me pre weight-loss and ED
Towards the end of my senior year of high school, everything changed. After Christmas, I unintentionally started to lose weight. I was not restricting what I ate at all or exercising excessively, but I was very stressed with the college application process during this time. To relieve some of this stress, I turned to exercise. The extra exercise along with a small attempt on my part to eat healthier probably caused me to lose about five pounds. Soon, people started to notice my weight loss and would often comment that I was looking “fit”. As my senior year rolled on, the stress kept piling up. Senior projects, school work, college applications, friend drama, etc. drove my stress level through the roof. In retrospect, I also realize that I was very apprehensive about the future during this time. Although I was looking forward to going to college, I was very nervous and kind of sad about leaving behind my friends, high school, and family. The stress and anxiety caused me to exercise more and more and intentionally restrict my food intake. Towards the very end of my senior year, I was dropping weight rapidly and was eating very little. In fact, I can recall a few days when I didn’t eat at all.
Hi everyone! First off, welcome to my blog. Whether you stumbled on my blog by pure chance or were intentionally looking for it, you are welcome to read. Enjoy! Okay, so a little about me….My name is Kristy (obviously), and I am 19 year old sophomore in college, majoring in elementary education. I love working with children, and I hope that a career in the teaching field will allow me to enrich the lives of many. Besides my classes, I am also involved in a sorority and a program that allows me to read to young children who attend impoverished schools. Outside of school, I love spending time with friends and family. Although I don’t have any siblings, I am very family oriented. I have a good relationship with my parents, and I absolutely adore my two dogs even though they can really get on my nerves sometimes. Now that I have given you some basic information about me, I should probably tell everyone why I am writing this blog. In brief, I am writing this blog to help me regain a healthy relationship with food and to share my journey through recovery. I guess now would be a good time to inform you all that I am struggling with the eating disorder Anorexia. I should also let it be known that I am getting professional help. I am in the early stages of recovery, but I’m doing everything possible to keep myself moving forward on the path to recovery. How everything started: Growing up, I never really had a problem with food or body image. I’m not saying that I always liked what I saw looking back at me in the mirror or that my diet paralleled the FDA’s food pyramid, but food was never an issue for me. I tried to eat healthy, but for the most part, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I also had a healthy relationship with exercise. I was pretty active. As a youngster, I was involved in many different sports. As I entered high school, I stopped playing sports competitively, but I stayed very active through intramural sports, running, skiing, biking, etc. Towards the end of my senior year of high school, everything changed. After Christmas, I unintentionally started to lose weight. I was not restricting what I ate at all or exercising excessively, but I was very stressed with the college application process during this time. To relieve some of this stress, I turned to exercise. The extra exercise along with a small attempt on my part to eat healthier probably caused me to lose about five pounds. Soon, people started to notice my weight loss and would often comment that I was looking “fit”. As my senior year rolled on, the stress kept piling up. Senior projects, school work, college applications, friend drama, etc. drove my stress level through the roof. In retrospect, I also realize that I was very apprehensive about the future during this time. Although I was looking forward to going to college, I was very nervous and kind of sad about leaving behind my friends, high school, and family. The stress and anxiety caused me to exercise more and more and intentionally restrict my food intake. Towards the very end of my senior year, I was dropping weight rapidly and was eating very little. In fact, I can recall a few days when I didn’t eat at all. After graduation, I slowly started eating more again. There was a time during this summer when I was almost eating a "normal", healthy amount. Unfortunately, I was obsessed with exercise during this time. I went to the gym almost every day and worked out for about two hours. On days when I didn't go to the gym, I would bike or run outside. Despite the amount of exercise, I managed to maintain my weight during the summer. Although my weight was on the low end of healthy, it was still healthy at this time.
I'm on the rich in this picture. Although I was fairly thin, I was
still healthy. However, I was definitely controlled by ED at this
point.
Oh! I should also mention that this was about the time I became obsessed with food. Although I restricted what I ate and tried to eat healthy, my thoughts were constantly centered around what I could eat, what I couldn't, when I would eat, etc. As the summer winded down and the beginning of my college career drew near, I began to become a little nervous, but at the same time, I was really excited to head out on my own and start something new. When I first got to college, I lost a few more pounds. I thought I was still eating the same amount as I had during the summer, but I think I was walking more while also spending more time at the gym. After graduation, I slowly started eating more again. There was a time during this summer when I was almost eating a "normal", healthy amount. Unfortunately, I was obsessed with exercise during this time. I went to the gym almost every day and worked out for about two hours. On days when I didn't go to the gym, I would bike or run outside. Despite the amount of exercise, I managed to maintain my weight during the summer. Although my weight was on the low end of healthy, it was still healthy at this time. Oh! I should also mention that this was about the time I became obsessed with food. Although I restricted what I ate and tried to eat healthy, my thoughts were constantly centered around what I could eat, what I couldn't, when I would eat, etc.
I stuck the year out at this college (with plans to transfer), but I went home a lot, and to take my mind off of my unhappiness there, I centered my thoughts on food. I went throughout most of the year without losing a noticeable amount of weight, but I constantly thought about food, restricted my intake, and did everything possible to be in complete control of what I was eating. For example, I would always avoid going out to eat with my college friends because it would prevent me from eating how ED wanted me to.
As I mentioned above, I knew I wanted to transfer very early in my freshman year, but I didn't know where. After some consideration, I narrowed it down to two colleges: a large university close to my home or another large university that my best friend attended, which was over 300 miles away! I ended up deciding to transfer to the far away university. At first, I was really excited about the idea of going there. I mean, I never really liked the idea of being 300 miles away from home, but I like the school a lot, and my best friend was there...a major perk!
Going back to my timeline, after finishing up my freshman year, I went home for the summer in good spirits. I was so happy it was finally summer. I was ready to enjoy time with my old friends and family and soak up all the sunshine I could. I was also still excited about leaving to go to school out of state at the end of the summer.
This was taken towards the beginning of the summer after my
freshman year. Im the one lounging.
Although I was pretty happy at the begging of the summer, my thoughts became more and more about food, and I began to restrict even further. I also upped my exercise regime. Because of this, my weight started dropping again. By the end of summer, I had lost another 10 pounds and was now clearly underweight. People started expressing concerns about me, but I just shrugged them off (or shall I say ED shrugged them off). I knew that I didn't have a healthy relationship with food, but I really didn't realize that I had an eating disorder.
Here's a pic of me at the end of last summer. It is
obvious I lost weight over the summer.
While my weight was dropping during the later part of summer and my sophomore year approached, I began having second thoughts about going to school out of state. Although part of my still really wanted to go there, I didn't want to be so far away from home, and I realized that I was mainly just going there because my best friend was going there. After three weeks of deep contemplation and very little sleep, I finally decided I didn't want to go to school out of state. I felt horrible for letting my best friend down, but I just couldn't force myself to go; my heart wasn't there.
After deciding not to transfer out of state, I quickly had to decide what I wanted to do with my life....well at least in the academic realm. I knew I wanted to enroll at the large university near my home, but unfortunately, it was too late for the fall semester. I ended up deciding to live at home and take a full course load at a local community college for the semester. Well, I did just this. I did fine academically that semester, but I wasn't taking care of myself...health-wise. With almost all of my friends away at their out of state schools, I was left to my own devices. I ended up spending all my time thinking about food. I began restricting (even more) and thinking about food constantly. During my free time, I would cook (for other people and not myself, of course), obsess about calories and what I would eat each and every day. By the time the fall semester was over, I had lost another 10 or so pounds.
When all my friends came home for Christmas break, they were shocked at how thin I was. My family noticed my thin stature also, but they saw me eat, so they were kind of in denial (as was I) for a long time. After Christmas break, I started at the University close to my house. Living on campus, made it easy to stay busy, make friends, and keep my mind off of food, but by no means was I on a path to a healthy lifestyle. Throughout the first month or so of school, my weight continued to drop.
Being so close to home, I saw my parents often. Between my emaciated appearance and open conversations, my parents and I jointly decided that I needed help. This is when the recovery journey began for me. I began the process by seeing a general therapist who then referred me to an outpatient treatment center. I have been going to the outpatient treatment center a few times a week for the past month or so. Although it is very early in the recovery process, I am already making strides (I think).
Here's a picture of me at my lowest weight. I was technically "in recovery"
at this point, but my weight dropped at one point (to the lowest it had been).
You all are probably wondering how and if I am managing recovery and school simultaneously. Well, let me tell you, it isn't easy. I considered medically withdrawing for the semester (and I still am to some extent), but I think I am going to try to stick it out, seeing that the semester is 2/3rds of the way through. I have talked to all of my professors, though, and have worked it out, so I don't need to be in class everyday. I have also moved back home, where I feel more comfortable eating and less anxious. I may have to take incompletes and finish my work over the summer, but my health comes first, right? Of course it does!
Okay, so that's enough about me, but I hope you all enjoy my blog and can support me during my recovery.
Enjoy!
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