Okay, so I started my day off with my version of a yogurt mess. It consisted of Chobani vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup of Fiber One original cereal, and 1/2 of an organic banana. Oh! I can't forget the generous sprinkling of cinnamon, which sweetened and spiced my breakfast up. With my breakfast, I also enjoyed a hot cup of Glazed Chocolate Donut coffee (yummmmmmm!!) and a bottle of mixed berry VitaminWater.
So I know that I should be eating more for breakfast, but you must remember that I am still in the early stages of recovery. Just eating breakfast is a huge deal for me. I never used to eat breakfast, so every morning when I wake up, ED yells at me and throws a huge temper tantrum. "It's too early to eat!" he screams. Through counseling, I am learning to ignore ED or tell him to shut up, so I can enjoy my breakfast (and other meals). My nutritionist understands how hard breakfast is for me, so she is letting me start off my day with a small breakfast. As I progress in recovery, I hope I can add some peanut butter to my yogurt messes, because OMG, I loooovvveee peanut butter!!!
After my yummy breakfast, I kind of just bummed around the house for a while. I had the house to myself because my parents went out to breakfast and then shopping (like they do almost every Saturday morning). I wanted to come, but ED wasn't going to allow me to eat breakfast out at a restaurant and follow my meal plan, so I thought it would be better if I skipped, so I could do what's best...health wise. Anyways, I ended up checking email, reading food blogs, and watching a little AM TV before finally getting off my bum and taking a shower.
By the time I had showered and dressed, my lovely parents had returned from their weekly b-fast and shopping trip. And to my surprise, my madre bought me an awesome panini pan. This excited me greatly. I love panini sandwiches. They are just so yummy. Usually, when I want a a panini, I have to drag out the electric grill thing and struggle to get the right face plates on. Ugghhh...it's such a pain. Now, however, I can just take out the convenient little pan, heat up the stovetop, and panini away. Yay!
Because I had gotten a new panini pan, I was planning on making a pita panini for lunch, but I realized I wouldn't have time because I had a wedding to go to. Yep, you all heard me right; I had a wedding to go to. A daughter of a family friend got hitched today. Congrats to her by the way! Anyways, I realized I wouldn't have time to have a sit-down panini lunch and make it to the wedding. I thought about not going to the wedding, so I could have a healthy lunch, but then I realized that was just ED talking. ED told me that in order to eat, I needed to skip out on everything else. He's so irrational, isn't he? Yet, I still listen to him sometimes.
Lunch ended up being lunch-on-the-go (something I'm not really comfortable with, but I forced myself to eat it anyways). A chocolate chip peanut Odwalla bar and another organic banana. I know, not the best lunch, but like I said, I'm still early phases of recovery. I almost went for an apple and carrots instead of the banana, but I didn't. Oh well.
Anyways, I arrived at the wedding on time, but unfortunately, ED wouldn't let me stay for the whole thing. I thought the reception and wedding were going to be separate, but they were like combined and lunch was going to be served! I had already eaten lunch, and there was no way ED was going to let me eat more. I could have just told people I already ate, but that would have been rude, and people would have stared at me because I'm really underweight. Luckily, my parents understood my uneasiness with the situation and we headed out early. I'm not happy that we did, but I'm still under the control of ED, and in order to stay healthy, sometimes I have to make sacrifices. I've felt like a selfish heel the whole day, though, because I left a wedding early. Hopefully, as I continue down the path towards recovery, ED will let me live my life and not interfere like he did today.
After leaving the wedding, my parents and I stopped at Costco to pick up some fish oil supplements, which my nutritionist recommend I take. Costco was packed, but we still managed to get in and out pretty quickly. Oh, my dad picked up the blueray version of "The Wizzard of Oz".
When I got home, my dad popped in "The Wizzard of Oz", and I kind of half-watched the movie while also writing a letter for one of my sorority advisors on my computer. "I'll get you my pretty...and you're little dog too!"...classic line, right there folks.
After finishing my letter and watching the movie, I snacked on a container of vanilla Chobani. It was kind of boring, but at least it was packed with protein. Snacks are another hard thing for me. Before going on my meal plan, snacks were out of the picture for me. According to Ed, they weren't allowed. With everyday that goes by, though, I become more comfortable eating my afternoon snack.
I pretty bored this afternoon and feeling a little bummed-out, so I decided to take my mind off of things by making peanut butter cookies. Of course, I won't be eating any (ED won't let me), but I enjoyed making them, nonetheless. I think my dad is related to the cookie monster, so I'm sure those cookies will disappear in no time.
After killing some more time (I seemed to do a lot of that today), I chowed down on some dinner. And what did I have??? Drumroll puh-leasseee. A Smucker's Uncrustuble. Yep, you heard me right. Although they are heavily processed and not any form of fine cuisine, I love these babies to death. I eat one almost every night. I realize that ED may also love Smucker's Uncrustables, and that might be why I eat them so often, but "I" still love them. Anywho, I paired my sandwich with two chocolate rice cakes and a glass of ice cold water.
I feel like I should get this post up, so I don't forget to post it later, but for my evening snack, I'm planning on having a mini bag of popcorn and a chocolate Vitabrownie with fat-free cool whip. Yum-yum!
I've touched on this before, but I realize that in order to gain weight and "recover" from my eating disorder, I am going to have to eat more. I'm in the early stages of recovery, though. I'm gradually working my way back up to a healthy, normal amount of food. But for right now, I'm following my meal plan. Notice how I said my meal plan and not ED's meal plan. That in itself is a huge step for me, so go me!
Have a good night everyone!
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