This morning, I just wanted to pop in quickly to talk a little bit about saying no. I know i did a very similar post a few months ago, but a situation that has come up this weekend really makes me want to talk about this in recovery some more.
I really do think that one of the hardest parts of recovery is learning to set personal boundaries and say no. During the depths of my eating disorder, I always said no.
No, I don't want to go out to dinner.
No, I don't want to go to the movies.
No, I don't want to meet new people.
No, I won't eat ice cream.
No, I don't want to go to the party.
Once I had some recovery under my feet, was eating enough to properly fuel myself, and was actively involved in the real world again, I had the exact opposite problem.
Sure, I'll go out to eat even though I just had lunch.
Yes, I'll go out tonight even though I went out last night and had a few too many.
You want me to eat another cookie? Sure, why not?!?
Basically, I always said yes. The word no was not in my vocabulary. I was constantly running from here to there, pleasing other people, and doing as much as possible. Although I had a lot of fun during this time, I felt like a chicken with its head cut off. I was constantly exhausted from not sleeping and had absolutely no time to myself. I think I was afraid that if I spent anytime by myself, I would be resorting back to my eating disordered thinking/actions. I thought that if I said no to one thing, I'd have to say no to everything.
I used to get very little of this.
This summer, I've been trying to balance being involved and accepting invitations while being able to politely decline invitations too.
This weekend, I've had a hard time saying no.
Let me explain...
For the past week, I have been very busy. I spent the first half of the week in New York with friends and had an absolutely wonderful time. When I got back from New York, I immediately started staff training for the job I have during the school year (I work at an after school program) and started getting ready for school, which starts on Monday : (. I have also been spending a lot of time with friends, though. I've spent most of my free time seeing friends who have moved back to school. Last night I was out until 1:00 AM helping with a freshman move in event with my sorority.
So what's the problem?
Well, a few of my friends invited me over to a party at their house tonight. To be honest, though, I really don't want to go. My dad has been away on business the last two weeks and I've barely seen my mom the last week. My parents offered to take me to dinner and then want to watch a movie afterwards. Seeing that I've been a very busy bee the past week or so, I really need a night off and don't mind chilling with my parents. I'm having a really hard time saying no to my friends, though.
For some reason, I have this disordered illusion that if I say no this time, they'll never invite me out again. I know this is completely irrational because I have said no before and they continue to be some of my best friends. I also worry about saying no because I know Ed thoughts partly have to do with me saying no. Not sleeping in my own bed (because this chica is not driving if she's drinking)? All the calories from alcohol? Although I've come along way in my recovery, I still have thoughts like these. However, I have legitimate reasons to say no. I'm tired and want to see my parents before I get so wrapped up in school that I never have time to see them.
So, I'm politely declining my friend's invitation to go out tonight in favor for a quiet night with the rentals at home. I'm not reverting to eating disordered behaviors and no, I'm not going to decline every invitation. Actually, I already have plans with the same friends tomorrow. We are going to go to the movies and then go shopping afterwards.
Life is about balance! Balancing social time and alone time, balancing work/school with fun, balancing exercising with being a bum, balancing healthy foods with fun foods....Every day, I'm working to balance all the important things in my life!
Enjoy your weekends everyone!
Any fun plans for the weekend?
Do you have a hard time saying no to people?