Anyways, I just wanted to quickly talk about exercise and my somewhat unhealthy relationship with it. When I first developed an eating disorder over three years ago, I definitely developed an addiction to exercise. I would spend one to two hours on the elliptical, bike all the time, go to a bunch of group classes, etc. I was exercising almost every day and definitely under-fueling myself. As the months went by, however, and I got weaker, I gave up exercise. I didn't really start exercising again until a about a year ago.
For the past year, I think I've maintained a pretty healthy relationship with exercise. I mainly run, but I also bike, go to yoga occasionally, and strength train. I'm pretty good about compensating for the calories I burn. I also would say that I look forward to exercise for the most part.
So what am I guilty of, exactly?
Well, I'm guilty of feeling guilty when I don't exercise or exercise enough (If that makes any sense at all).
Today is a perfect example. This weekend I biked 20 miles with my dad on Saturday and ran 5 miles yesterday. I was planning on taking my lunch break at work to run another 3.5-4 miles) this morning (I usually take my lunch in the morning and eat with the kiddos later in the day). Well, I was kind of in a funk this morning and didn't feel like running at all. So, did I take a rest day? No, I didn't. I decided to a NROLFW workout today and run stairs in the hockey rink later in the afternoon instead. The rational part of my brain knows it would perfectly fine to take a rest day, but this is where I still struggle with disordered eating exercise thoughts. It's not like I think I'm going to ballon up in one day and gain 10 pounds; its more that I feel I will lose motivation if I take an unscheduled rest day. Crazy, right?
Since I didn't get my planned run in this morning, I was kind of grumpy and anxious throughout the morning. Although I was responsible for the activities and safety of three counselors and thirty six kids, all I could think about was what I would do at the gym. First off, this is ridiculous because the NROLFW is a very structured program, so it's not like I had to come up with a routine for myself. Secondly, my job is more important. My disordered brain usually won't let me relax, however, until I get my exercise in for the day. If I don't exercise in the morning, I feel like I'll lose motivation and won't exercise at all. I know I need to change my thinking regarding this. If I plan to workout in the afternoon, I should go about my morning and think about the "here and now" of the morning and worry about my workout when I'm working out. Now, this is rational a lot more rational thinking.
As for tomorrow, I'm planning on doing the same 3.5-4 mile run during my break that I was planning on doing today. I'm also considering doing it first thing in the morning when I wake up before I head to work. I usually like to have some breakfast in me before I run, though. And without getting up before 5, I would have to either run on an empty belly or a full belly to accomplish this. I need to stop stressing about my run tomorrow, though. I'll figure it out, and if I don't run or it's not the greatest, it's not the end of the world.
Anyways, on a more lighter note, here is a picture of the delicious dinner cooked by my momma tonight:
Restaurant size Morningstar blackbean burger, spinach,
baked sweet potato rounds, and some chili/lime corn
on the cob. 'Twas delicious. I was planning on eating the burger
in a pita, but we were all out : (
Well, seeing that I have to get up around 5am tomorrow for work, I'm going to wrap this post up. I need to catch up on everyone else's blogs and get in some quality reading time before bed. I'm 2/3rds of the way through this book and absolutely in love with it.
Happy Monday y'all!
How do you deal with exercise guilt when you don't exercise?
Any good books you've been reading lately?