Saturday, July 23, 2011

Silly Kristy

When I originally started thinking about this post, I wanted to call it "Stupid Kristy"--well because I'm a little angry at myself about a decision I made last night. After thinking about it, though, I realized it does no good to beat myself up emotionally about a decision I made. Even if I wish I would have "decided" differently, it's in the past now, and the only thing I can do is move forward.

Okay, before you click away from my page because you are completely confused and have no idea what I'm talking about let me explain...

For starters, I did go to the pot luck party after I got out of work last night, and I had a pretty good time. The hostess of the party is vegan, so there were plenty of healthy options at the party. The offerings included a cous-cous salad, fresh veggies and hummus, corn on the cob, roasted potatoes, and much-much more. For dessert, there were cupcakes of many different varieties and the chocolate chip cookies I brought. Since I decided to have a beer or two last night, I didn't really partake in dessert. I had a couple bites of a cookie, but honestly, the heat turned my appetite off basically. Anyways, the party was fun, and I got to catch up with some friends that I haven't seen in a couple weeks. I wish I would have taken some pictures because the pot luck was honestly too cute for words.

So...why am I mad at myself  do I regret the decision I made last night??? Well, let me bring you back to earlier in the day yesterday. At work yesterday, I was invited to go out with a group of my coworkers last night. A group of us who are 21 and over have been talking about going out for a while. When last night was decided as "the night" yesterday, I wasn't sure if I would originally go or not. After all, I had just worked 50 hours and I was already committed to my friend's pot luck party. When people kept asking me if I was coming or not yesterday, though, I finally caved in and asked what time everyone was planning on going out. To my surprise, people told me between 9pm and 10pm. In my book, that is really early, which is a great thing because I'm not a night owl to be honest. My old roommates and good friends at school usually don't go out 12pm at the earliest. Going out so late always presents a huge challenge for me, so I was pleasantly surprised to find out that my coworkers weren't of the same breed as many of my friends at school. Because of this, I said I'd probably go out with them after the potluck party.

Okay, I'm about to sound like a middle school girl, but the only reason I really wanted to go out with my coworkers was because--well, I have a huge...and I mean huge--crush on the other assistant director. While I am the assistant director of counselors and campers, he is the assistant director of activities and activity leaders. He's super cute, great with kids, and plans to go to med school. He's super nice too. I knew he was planning on going out, so I definitely was interested in spending time with him outside of work.

During the potluck party last night, his name came up because a lot of my friends know him and think he is a really super guy. They all encouraged me to go out with him last night. To be honest, though, I was super tired and kind of just wanted to go home. When I got a text from this guy around 9:00, though, saying that everyone was going out at 11:00, I was super torn as to weather I should just head home or stick around and then go out later in the night. Although I really wanted to go out with him, doing so would push me way out of my comfort zone. Although I go out occasionally, I almost always go out with my group of good friends, we get ready together, go to the bars together, go home together, etc. Doing everything by myself and meeting my group of coworkers at the bars just didn't feel right to me.

Around 9:30, I decided to just head home, even though this guy was texting me, telling me how much fun going out would be. Once I got home, I kind of regretted my decision to go home, immediately. To make matters worse, I woke up at 4:30 this morning to a text from one of my friends who went out and ran into him (the two are good friends). Apparently, he was asking my friend where I was and why I didn't go out.

To sum it up, I feel pretty stupid silly for choosing the comfort of my routine and for sticking with the familiar instead of taking a risk and going out with my coworkers, including the guy I really like. Although I know I had some good reasons, not to go.....

I was exhausted because I had been up since 5AM and had just completed a 50 hour work week

I didn't look that great because I never got a chance to go home, straighten my hair, do my makeup properly, etc.

Didn't have anyone to walk to the bars with (although I probably could have found someone)

Didn't want to drink more than a beer or two because I was planning on driving home that night (I could have stayed at my sorority house--seeing a lot of my friends lived there, and I used to live there)

I know that the eating disorder side of my brain also played into my decision....

Extra drinks mean more calories

Staying out later will disrupt my Saturday routine

I might not make it to the gym the next day

My good friends won't be there for support

All in all, I think I partly made a reasonable decision, but I also think that I partly didn't go out because of fear. I can't dwell, though; it's not the end of the world. I still am working with this guy, and there will probably be other opportunities to go out. And even if there aren't, I still have a lot of other things going for me...

I'm physically healthy

I have a family who loves me

I have good friends

I am in College and am close to being finished

I have a great job

I have dorky but lovable pets

The list goes on and on! Sorry that this post is picture-less. I have food post coming the evening of tomorrow morning.

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